Abdullah

Uyanamıyordum. Üzerimde bir ağırlık var  gibiydi.  Hiçbir yerim ağrımıyordu, hiçbir yerim tutulmamıştı. Saatlerce uyumuştum, yatağım rahattı.  Aklıma takılan bir şey yoktu . Ama bir türlü gözlerimi aralayamıyor, başımı kaldıramıyordum. Üzerimde bir ağırlık vardı. İnsan olmanın ağırlığı mıydı?

-Abi! Abiiii! Bu kimin salası? Kim ölmüş?

-İbnenin biri gebermiş. Bu “insan gerisi”nin ne diye salasını okuyorlarsa. .. Lan bunun namazı mı kılınır?  Duuur sen dur. Haberi yok herhalde bu yeni imamın.Ben meydana kadar gidiyorum Akif.

– Ne ibnesi abi ölen kim? Hısım akrabamız mı? Eşimiz dostumuz mu ? Konumuz komşumuz mu? Kalkayım da hazırlanayım ben cenazeye gitmek gerek.

-Yok lan cenaze menaze.Yat zıbar istersen.

Sabah sabah hey heyleri niye tepesindeydi. Biri öldü diye kızılır mıydı hiç. “ Sen kalk Akif kalk”  dedim kendi kendime. Vakit öğleye erişmişti. Hem hiç mi alışık değildim bu abimin deliliğine. Giyinip çıktım ben de apar topar.

-Selamun aleykum  Mustafa amca. Demin sala okunduya hani, kim ölmüş cenaze var herhalde bugün.

-Ve aleykum selam Akif oğlum. Abdullah vefat etmiş.Kadirgillerin küçük oğlu. Epeydir yoktu köyde çıkarabilir misin bilmem. Sen yatılıya gittiğin vakitler o da gitti buaralardan .Gelmedi hiç sonra da. Buradayken de pek insan içine çıkmayan bir çocuktu zaten.Bir gitti bir daha ölüsü geldi işte zavallının.

-Sağol Mustafa amca ben gideyim o zaman caminin o tarafa doğru. Bi baş sağlığı dileyeyim. Namazı falan da kılınır şimdi…

-Gitme boş yere. Cenaze defnedildi.

-E daha yeni okundu ama salası? Beklemediler mi ahali toplansın diye? Neden hemen..?

-Bir an evvel gömüp kurtulmak istediler herhalde. Hem toplanıpta kim toplanacak oğlum onun canezesine? Varsın kara toprak eritsin onun kirini gayrı.

Baş aşağı meydana doğru yürümeye devam ettim. Az sonra Abdullahların evinin önünden geçecektim. Yürüdüm… Yürüdüm… Sağıma soluma bile bakmadan yürüdüm. En ufak bir şeye çarpsa  takılıp kalacaktı  gözlerim. Çıkarttım Abdullah’ı . Bildim. İlkokul zamanlarımdan. İki alt sınıftaydı benden. Kısa süreli bir zihin hesabı yapınca yaşının pek genç olduğunu fark edip üzüldüm. E niye bir tuhaflık vardı peki  bu işte. “Ya hu” dedim . “ Ya hu Bu Abdullah insan değil miydi?”

Biraz daha ilerledim. Abdullahların evi tarafından gelen bir iki kişi vardı yolda . Yanımdan geçerlerken duydum : “ Gömmese miydik yani? Allah yine de taksiratını affetsin.” diyordu biri.

Evin önünde kimsecikler yoktu. Bir tek babası vardı Abdullah’ın. Başını iki elinin arasına almış duruyordu öylece.Put gibi. Eğilmiş toprağa bakıyordu. Ağlamıyordu hiç yaş yoktu gözlerinde.Bağırmıyordu. İç çekmiyordu. Varıp yanına parmağımın ucuyla bir dokunsam tuz buz oluverecekti sanki. İçeriden  bir kadının yanık sesi geliyordu. Ağlıyordu kadın katıla katıla ağlıyordu.

Tereddütüm içeri girmeme izin vermedi ama yarım ağız seslendim: “ Başın sağ olsun Kadir  amca.”  Duymuyordu beni. Eğilip kulağına  bir çığlık atsam yine duymayacaktı sanki.İyice meraklandım. Bu Abdullah’a niye böyle yapılıyordu? Bir insan ölüsüne dahi saygı  gösterilmeyecek değer verilmeyecek kadar ne yapmış olabilirdi? Nasıl büyük bir kusur etmiş, nasıl affedilmez  bir günah işlemiş olabilirdi? Aklım almıyordu. Karşıdan abim, köyün imamı ve birkaç genç geliyordu hışımla.

          – Akif! Dedimya bilmiyormuş hoca efendi. Biz kabristana gidiyoruz. Geliyor musun?

         – Kabristana mı? Defnedilmiş ya cenaze ne yapacaksınız? Hem neyi bilmiyormuş?  Abii! Abii!

       Çoktan uzaklaşmışlardı yanımdan son söylediğimi bir tek kendim duydum: “Ben de bilmiyorum ki …”

Ne yapacağımı bilemeyince eve doğru yöneldim.  İçeriye girmek canım istemedi. Avludaki  otları temizlemekle oyalandım . Bir vakit sonra uzaktan bir uğultu çalındı kulağıma. Dikkat kesildim. İnsanlar hep bir ağızdan bağırarak bir şeyler söylüyordu.Kavga sesi değildi. Elimdeki çapayı fırlatıp ne olup bittiğini anlama telaşıyla o tarafa doğru yöneldim. Ses de bana yaklaşıyordu sanki. Köşeyi dönünce ne olup bittiğini gördüm. Abdullah’ı gördüm. Yürüdüm Abdullah’ı gördüm. Koştum Abdullah’ı gördüm.

-Abiiiiiiiiii! Ne yapıyorsunuz siz abiiiii????

Abdullah’ın ak kefeni çamura bulanmıştı. Kalınca bir halat bağladıkları ayakları mosmordu.Bedeni doladıkları ip yüzünden hala kefeniyle sarılıydı. Ama yüzü.. o tanınmaz haldeki ölü yüzü o mor beyaz kirli yüzü.O simsiyah çamurlu saçları açıkta kalmıştı.

-Ne var Akif ne oldu oğlum? Akif Akif!!

-Aaaaaakifff kendine gel konuşsana oğlum!

-Akiff! Ölülerimizin azabını mı arttırsaydı huzurunu mu kaçırsaydı oğlum?

-Akif hiç uygun düşer miydi oğlum ? Hem ibreti alem olsun .

-Akif! Ses versene oğlum.!

Abimin okkalı tokadından sonra kendime geldim. Kahveye çekip bir bardak su tutuşturmuşlardı elime. Bir solukta hepsini içip yanlarına koştum.   Hayatımda gördüğüm en dehşet verici manzaraydı Abdullah’ın cesedinin ipe bağlanıp sürüklenişi. Çıkarmışlardı onu mezarından. Babası ,amcası gelmişti Abdullah’ın . Cansız bedenini kalabalığın elinden almaya çalışıyorlardı. Amcası bir yandan ağlayıp bir yandan yalvarıyordu:

– Etmeyin komşular etmeyin ey gözünü sevdiklerim. Bizim başımıza gelen sizin başınıza gelmez mi sanırsınız? Biz mi istedik böyle olmasını. Bırakın son vazifemizi yapalım. Dinimizin gereği bu. Ata mı biliriz onu? Yaka mı biliriz?

-Dinimizin gereğiymiş. Çok biliyorsunuz ya! O yüzden mi Allah’ın yarattığını beğenmedi?

-Kusura kalmayın Cemil Efendi. Biz kendi ölülerimizin yanına gömemeyiz bu cinsiyetsizi bu cibilliyetsizi. Dolandıralım şöyle bir sokaklardaki böyle birinin yeryüzünde, hak katında yeri olmadığını çoluk çocuk şimdiden öğrensin.

Göründüğü gibi hissetmiyormuş  yani Abdullah. Mesele buymuş demek

Çocuklar …korkup ürker sandığım çocuklar canavarlar gibi bağırıyorlardı:

-Karı Abdullah lanetler üzerine olsun

Koynuna yılanlar çıyanlar dolsun

Karı Abdullah kara gecede kal

Yedi kat yerin dibinde kal

Amcası hala bağırış çağırış derdini anlatmaya çalışıyordu:

– Ya hu Halit sen kapı bir komşuları değil misin bu zavallının? Ekrem abi Abdullah senin teyzenin oğlu. Seyit! Mehmet!  Kemal!  YAPMAYIN!

Babası yine ağlamıyordu. Kıpkırmızıydı gözleri. Kan çanağına dönmüştü ama ağlamıyordu.Sarsılıyordu titrerken .Soğuktan değildi bu ürpertisi.  Jandarmayı çağırdım. Kimin haber verdiğini nasıl geldiklerini anlayamadılar. Dağılmak mecburiyetinde kaldıkları için kan beyinlerine sıçramıştı. Öfkeleri hala dinmemişti.

       Abdullah’ ı  bi daha gömdüler.

O gece gözümün önünden gitmedi Abdullah’ın ipe bağlı ayakları, güzel yüzü, kara saçları…

Sabaha başımda müthiş bir ağrıyla uyandım. Daha yüzümü  bile yıkamamıştım ki kulağımda yine aynı uğultu. “Allah’ım” dedim.  “Hala etkisinden kurtulamadım herhalde.”  Ama öyle değildi.Ses dışarıdan geliyordu. Koştum. Bu sefer daha dayanıklı daha hazırlıklı.

      Abdullah yine çıkmış mezarından dolaşıyor insanlar arasında.

      Abdullah yine çıkmış mezarından dolaşıyor insanlar arasında.

 Babası   bahçesine gömdü bu sefer evladını. Oradan her gün gelir geçer başımı çevirmeden edemezdim. Gömüldüğü yer dümdüzdü. Hiç belli olmasın istenmişti belli ki. “Adı  batsın” istenmişti Abdullah’ın.

Zaman geçti. Abdullah’ın  üzerinde deli laleler bitti. Laleler… Allah’ın birliğini temsil eden laleler . Abd’ Ullah… Tanrının kulu, Allah’ın kulu Abd’Ullah… Herkes gibi bir kez yaşayıp bir kez öldü. Ama Abdullah tam üç kez gömüldü.

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