Necati Amca’nın Kadın Tasnifi

Siz bilmezsiniz Necati Amca vardır. Ben de Necati Amca’nın kadınlarla ilişkisini bilmem.Ama edindiği tecrübelere,  gözlemlerine dayanarak  kendince yapmış olduğu bir sınıflandırma vardır. Ona göre kadınlar üçe ayrılır. Şöyledir:

     1. Kümesbaş: Bu kadın akşama kadar evdedir. Ancak sıcacık sobanın başında gün boyu pinekleyip durduğundan mıdır nedir akşam olduğunda hiçbir işini yetiştirememiş, kocacığına bir kap yemek dahi pişirememiştir.Adam eve geldiğinde onu elinde bir baş soğanla karşılar. O soğan daha kesilip doğranacak, salçayla kavuşturulup aş edilecektir.Bekleyin ki ne zamana…

O vakitler akıllı telefonlar, tabletler,bilgisayarlar ve dahi televizyonlar bile yoktu ise acaba bu kümesbaş ne yapmaktadır nasıl vakit geçirmektedir. Necati Amca’nın kimleri böyle görüpte “kümesbaş” dediği tarafımca hala merak edilmektedir.

     2. Sallak Sırt: Bu hanımefendiyi de evde bulabilmek ne mümkün? Attı mıydı çocuğu sırtına. Sardı mıydı yularla sıkı sıkıya, doğru bilmem kimcelere… Kapı eşiklerinde, Avlu diplerinde kırar dedikodunun belini. Biteremez bi türlü diyeceklerini. Gelince akşam vakti tutuşur hanımın etekleri. Savurta savurta sırtındaki bebeyi sonunda bulur evinin yolunu izini. Zavallı adamcağız yine açtır yine biilaç. Yalnız bu kadının elinde “çocuk” gibi tesirli bir koz vardır ki hemen suçu onlara atar: “ Gavurun enikleriiii!! Akşama kadar bi doğru durmadınız ki çişiydi, pokuydu püsürüğüydü vallahi canımdan bezdim .” “Ah anam sen beni bu günler için mi doğurdun?” diye de bir figan bastırır adamcağız açlığını unutur, bir köşede uslu uslu oturur. “Bey şu çocuklardan eteğimi sıyırıp bir aş pişiremedim. Bugün de bi menemen yiyiverelim mi çaynan?” Tabii. Niye olmasın? Adamcağız dün, evvelki gün, hatta ondan önceki gün öğlen de yediği menemene yine büyük bir iştahla batırır ekmeğini.

Bunlardan hala var . Hep olacak.Necati amca kimleri görmüş de böyle demiş diye merak etmiyorum.

     3.Yanağı Güllü: İşte en sevilen! Tabiri caizse dört dörtlük. “ Kadın dediğin…” diye başlayan tüm cümlelerde bahsi geçen o dilber.Uğurlarken herifini giydirir ceketini sırtını sıvazlar. “ Allah işini rast getirsin” der.  Akşam ayak sesini bilir açar kapıyı “ Hoş geldin” der gülümseyerek. Ne evi çepeldir ne aşını eksik eder. İşlerse bir suç gülüverir, işvesiyle gönülleri hoş eder.

Necati amca kim bunlar? Asıl bunları nerede gördün sen?  Ya da görmek mi isterdin?

      Dipçe:

Keşke hepimiz yanağı güllü oluversek ama değiliz. Yeri gelecek bir melemene razı olacaksınız, yeri gelecek iş başa düşecek . Kendiniz pişirip kendiniz  yiyecek yüyeceksiniz. Hem sanıyor musunuz ki o yanaklarda her zaman gül var?

Bir de ben diyorum ki adam’ına kalmış o yanağa gül kondurmak.

( Görsel alıntıdır.)

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